Here's the Kicker

AP is reporting that former Oakland Raiders place-kicker C0le Ford has been arrested in connection with the drive-by shooting at the home of Siegfried and Roy in Las Vegas, NV. Anytime I see something this bizarre on yahoo, I enjoy looking at the messages that people post in relation to the story. And the winner is:

"ISN'T THIS THE MIAMI KICKER FROM [Ace Ventura] "PET DETECTIVE?" by: rotten_fukking_animal(36/M/Houston, Texas)"

I couldn't agree more. It'd take far too much effort to open all the layers of comic relief in this incident, best to just relate it to a movie and move on. Actually, no. I disagree, let's open all the layers (in the style of Tabloid headlines):

1. ROY ATTACKED, THINKS HANDGUNS MISUNDERSTOOD.
2. ALIEN MINIVAN USED IN DRIVE-BY; DRIVE-BY MURDERERS FROM ROMAN CHARIOTEERS TO COMPTON SHARP-SHOOTERS LAUGH.
3. KINKOS' MOST WANTED TO AIR ON FOX
4. KINKOS' MOST WANTED NABS FIRST OUTLAW, GUY WHO USED TOO MANY PAPER CLIPS.
5. CRIME IN OAKLAND ON THE RISE
6. LESSER CRIMINALS IN OAKLAND RUN OUT OF TOWN, MINIVAN-FULL HEADED FOR VEGAS
7. OAKLAND RAIDERS KICKER ARRESTED IN CONNECTION WITH DRIVE-BY SHOOTING AT SIEGFRIED AND ROY'S HOUSE.