Uncle Zeb Goes Digital

If you are a Boaltie and don't know who Uncle Zeb is, shame on you! Run to the library and ask to see the "Zeb Book." Do it now - you will be glad you did.

If you are an alum who misses the musing wisdom of our communal cosmic companion, you're in luck. "The Best of Uncle Zeb" has been posted online by the Green Bag. Here is a link, but beware - the pdf is almost as large as Zeb's brain.

Stop Chewing So Damn Loud in the Library or Proper Library Etiquette

Since I know you all have come to look to me for advice on how to behave in public (hint: it involves consistent heavy drinking) Peter and I wanted to give everyone a helpful guide of what not to do in the library:

1. Don't cut your toenails. You know who you are.


2. Don't wear perfume or cologne. This is a library not a fucking Abercrombie. If we can smell you and you're not making out with one of us then you're wearing too much fragrance.


3. While we're on odors, take a shower. Again, if we can smell you and we're not making out there is a definite issue.


4. Don't laugh. This is finals. We realize none of us are actually studying in our carrels, but don't break the illusion. (Also, Gunners, adverse possession isn't fucking funny).


5. Don't chew with your mouth open. Don't grunt, don't snort, don't snuffle. We're right fucking next to you, dude. So every time you smack your lips while chewing that gum, grunt when you readjust your pants or groan when the combination of coffee and cheetos you've been eating for the last four days makes your stomach hurt, we can hear it. And it's gross. And we're studying. And did we mention it's gross?


6. Don't come here if you're sick. Oh, poor you, you're sick. Get the fuck out of our library. You disgust us, you're distracting us, and if you get us sick we're going to knife you. (But not in the library because only a huge asshole would come to the library sick).


7. Turn your cellphone to silent. Silent doesn't mean vibrate. AND DON'T FUCKING ANSWER IT.


8. Stop unbuttoning your pants, loosening your belt or doing anything else that would remind us of my grandpa in an Italian restaurant. This isn't your fucking bedroom. You want to take off your clothes? Go home, or at least to the Student Center.


9. See that thing about a half inch above your mouth? Breath through it. If it's clogged up, blow it. If it whistles, blow it. Blow ≠ sniffle incessantly. Honestly, you're probably sick so gtfo of the library.


10. Just plain shut up. Stop talking. Right now. Whispering is talking. Yes, we can hear you. No, you don't understand proximate cause. Now shut up.

Peter helped me put this list together, but if you see him tell him (in American Sign Language, see rule #10) to zip up his fucking pants.

Our Mazillion Dollar Makeover

My fair lady of the stacks shares a few words about upcoming Boalt Hall renovations:

At the Town Hall Meeting [ ] some of you expressed hope that we would be able to upgrade the Boalt Hall facility. As Dean Edley noted [adept fielding of the question at 10:39, here], we have already begun work on this, and we intend to step up our renovation activities this summer (you'll be hearing from us soon about the details). In the meantime, we thought you might like to see some before and after shots of a few of the spaces that we have already worked on. (Note that the photos don't always do justice to the changes. If you are a 1L you'll have to ask a 2L or 3L just how uncomfortable the 1951 fiberglass, fixed seating in 100, 105 and 110 actually was).

She also shares some before-and-after photos of projects already completed.

I gotta tell you, compared to the old UCC at the University of Idaho, Boalt Hall is the lap of luxury. I'm happy as a clam.


*****

Also, hat-tip shiny gold star to Boalt grad (from back when Boalties were from Boalt) Larry Frankel, who is the ACLU's new Legislative Counsel.

10 Things I Wish I Knew About Berkeley & Boalt

1. Whether the ominous looking paint marks in the courtyard will turn into jackhammers, heavy equipment, and scurrying dudes in hardhats and suspenders before, during, or after my final exams
2. What is being built at Oxford and Allston, and how tall it will be when it is done
3. Whether I will, or will not, be caught if I blow through fastrak on my motorcycle, and whether the experiment is worth four bucks and a brief journey to the paying side of the legal system
4. What the reading room in the library would feel like if the north wall were anything other than coldly blank and barren
5. B0b Berr*ng's range of visual perception, in feet, and whether he navigates by sonar
6. The location of a green dry cleaner in Berkeley
7. The name of the monkey and the location of the hat that determines grades, and whether said monkey wears a fez and carries a watch
8. What Robert J. Birgeneau does when he's not being pleased to announce that he is sending me another email on behalf of someone else
9. How many paper cups Zeb customers consume each day
10. The distinction, if any, between "pleaded" and "pled"

Home, sweet library

It's 4:51 in the afternoon, and I'm not in the law library. A strange sense of guilt hangs over me. As though it misses me and wants me back.

Library, I will return to you. I promise. I know it's only been three weeks, but I think we really have something special going on. Maybe it's that quiet hush you get after I settle down into the chair in my favorite corner. Or perhaps it's the way your air-conditioning vents blow a cool breeze across the back of my neck. When I walk the echoing, concrete floors of your stacks, I am not frightened (even though it's the perfect place for serial killers to lurk), because I know you are with me.

Still, I need space. Sunlight. Fresh air. It's not that what we have isn't good. You're the best library I've ever had, baby. Don't be mad at me. You know I won't be gone for long.

Notes from Spring Break

While Armen enjoys sunny Australia, Disco Stu is stuck doing his writing requirement in the computer lab (1Ls and 2Ls take note: don't leave your writing requirement until your second semester 3L year, even though, DS has to admit, it is kind of fun writing something that makes sense and is of infinite more importance than your standard law school final), and wishes to make the following, fairly obvious, recommendations.

1) There are way, way too many people in the library. DS ran into Mr. Zaur this morning when we were the only two in all of Boalt Hall. Now, post lunch, it almost looks like a normal day. And 3L procrastinators DS could excuse. Do the rest of you not have a life? Why aren't you doing something fun for spring break? There are probably some legitimate excuses out there, but it really hurts Boalt's reputation as a laid back law school when so many people are here the first monday of break.

2) The reference librarians are AWESOME. Use them. Seriously, DS spent maybe one and a half hours yesterday researching two items, to no avail. It took the geniuses at the reference desk about 15 minutes to give me both. It's probably against the rules or something, but DS is considering asking them a hard exam question when one arises this semester. They are an under-utilized resource, and that's ashame.

3) Writing requirement and chipotle is a dangerous, lonely mix when no others are around.

BLaFu

'Tis the season for student groups to cajole you to pledge money you have not yet earned. As an earlier thread indicates, there is not enough money to go around to support all the worthy causes.

The panoply of groups and causes makes me wish we had an index of the most accountable organizations, so we would know who to promise our money to. For instance, how much of my OC Prom ticket went to the “Sandy?” How much from the BLF auction or spring drive is actually funding people, versus paying for two-buck Chuck, busted windshields, and ambulance rides? Last summer I did not donate anything to BLF because they never gave me the auction item I won and paid for, despite half a dozen emails to different people. This year’s auction did not exactly restore my confidence. (The item I donated generated $75, but I can’t help but wonder if it would have garnered more if people could SEE it.)

I don’t doubt that the organizations have all the best intentions. Nevertheless, I think if we had better information or metrics for effectiveness, in terms of how much of my dollar reaches a deserving person, I would be more willing to give.

Just to pick on BLF some more. I looked at www.boalt.org/blf, and learned the following: “The Berkeley Law Foundation is soliciting proposals for public interest law grants for the 2004-2005 year.” Fascinating. Actually, other parts of the website are more up-to-date, but nowhere do we see a statement that shows what BLF takes in & disburses. How much is donated by students? Alumni? Faculty? Law firms? How effective are matching grants? Who has received the summer stipends & Phoenix Fellowships? What are they doing now? What are the operating costs of BLF?

I think open info about the student groups (and affiliated organizations, such as EBCLC) would bring more money where it could be used best, improve accountability, and increase donations overall, since my hunch is that most groups distribute virtually everything they receive.

You could repeat this for other organizations as well, including, well, our own Boalt Hall. Sure would be nice to know how this capital campaign is proceeding. Anyone know where we can find numbers? Or how about intermediate goals, instead of just going for $125m? Or concrete improvements: I’d be willing to donate to a fund for climate control in the library or for toilets that flush and don’t leak.

In the meantime, go to the Barristers' Ball this Friday. You’ll find me dealing blackjack & donating to the HHK…

This Week in Boalt Briefs

While aimlessly searching through trash, I came across a few Boalt Briefs from my 1L year, you know, when they were actually funny. So occassionally, I'll post an item from an old BB. Here is this week's.

Incoming Briefs Editor Seeks Roommates/Co-Authors...

Believe it or not, the jackasses behind the Briefs are actually going to graduate, leaving behind a lone 1L to keep the flame for future generations of offended Boalties. Martine White, whose ass-baring antics and goofy grin propelled him to minor stardom, is holding a write-on to choose three "articstically talented but scholastically mediocre" students, who will help him write the Briefs and clean his bathroom.

Desireable qualities include being able to put up with: 1) his cheating at video games; 2) his unrelenting ethnic music; and 3) his vast quantities of pubic hair, left throughout the house like so many dust bunnies. Naturally, writing the Briefs and living with Marty entails a major time commitment, so applicants are encouraged to forsake other extracurricular activities, like CLR and dating.

Choose from three topics:

1. Interim Dean Edley
2. The best library chair at Boalt
3. Guilt from lying to admits.


Send your submissions to [boaltbriefs@gmail.com].

Boalt Hall Ghost Stories

I cannot believe I haven't posted on this topic yet. Right now, the library is haunted by a persistent moaning. Ok, in reality, the air pressure in the main reading room is higher than it is in the rest of the library, so air pushes out on the doors, cracking them open and whistling past them. Why is the pressure higher in the main reading room? [insert gunner joke].

So, I suppose the reading room ghost story is debunked, but has anyone heard any others? Does Dean Prosser still stalk the halls? Does Chief Justice Warrne still occasionally whisper wisdom
to Con Law students? Inquiring minds want to know!

Some things that are really starting to piss DS off

DS's new year's resolution was to become more petty and bitter. He's doing a fine job of it.

BAR EXAM INFORMATION:
Hopefully other 3Ls can answer some of DS's questions. What are our deadlines here: for both the bar exam itself and Barbri classes? As near as he can tell, there are four separate things we need to sign up for. Barbri review classes, the MPRE, the July bar exam itself, and the California Bar foundation application or whatever. Why doesn't Boalt have a nice little document somewhere telling us application dates and fees (obviously, Barbri info wouldn't be included here)? It just seems like a lot of 3Ls don't know what to do when, and this administration isn't helping.

CLASS BOOKS:
DS doesn't understand why assigned class textbooks aren't available in the library reference section for limited checkout. Many students attend more classes than they'd like for the first week or so. Casebooks should be available on a 1-hour time limit for those students who would like to keep up with the reading, but who don't want to buy their books before they're committed to the class.

1st CLASS ASSIGNMENTS:
This has been a long-term gripe for DS. Why do students have to come to Boalt to get these assignments. Can't the professors email whoever is responsible for the bulletin board and simply post all assignments on the web? Better yet, why don't Boalt professors (and some do this) simply send out an email to the class with the assignment listed.
DS is taking a UC Hastings class this year, and displayed prominently on Hastings's front page in bright red font is a "First Class Assignments" link. At least one UC school knows how to run things.

Boalt Finals '06: Attack of the Frat

Today I walked into the library I tried to find a seat. After a quick glance into the hell-pit that is the Main Reading Room, I head over to the North Addition. Tables full. I look over at the cubicles. Tables Full. I look at a few people and what do I see? More math books than law books. Even a freshman level GEOLOGY book. Seriously, do you really need to be studying at all?

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that we are a University, not a Law School in the middle of nowhere (who else uses the Hastings library?). However, when we have restricted hours I would tend to think that we would try to keep undergrads out. PLEASE can we at least pretend to not allow the frat guys into our library during finals? Otherwise, the next time I need a seat I'm simply going to recruit a few other 1L's and throw an undergrad off the balcony of the 6th floor of Simon.

So, in the spirit of Finals Crunch Time, I am venting on this board. Feel free to vent as well.