They Took Our Briefs!!!

I'm seething mad. Looking at this post on ATL, it's blatant that UPenn is ripping off our Boalt Briefs. Even the layout. Ugh.

I guess this is as good a time as any to unveil this Google group I have created hosting prior years' Boalt Briefs. I think every Boaltie, past and present, should read them. I am also missing a lot of them. I've begged and pleaded with the founders and other "editors" for the issues they have saved, but let's just say these people are not exactly "organized" in any sense of the word. The Volume-Issue numbering gives you a sense of that. So, if you have any issues, please consider PDFing me a copy. I'd also be very grateful for just hard-copies mailed to me.

Also, what are people's thoughts about adding a link to each issue to the sidebar? Too much? Maybe a general link to the Google group?

*Bonus points if you catch the title reference.

The Big Rakowski

A commenter below wonders why we quote The Big Lebowski so much. First, I love that movie. Second, it's really a great movie for isolated quotes. Third, there's a special tie to the Boalt community. You young 'ens may not recall the video below from that thing at the end of fall semester, but us grizzled vets thought this was pure genius at the time. For your enjoyment.

California Faculty Swap Three-Way

As far as I can tell, Cynthia at The Shark scooped everyone on this tidbit: we didn't lose Dean O to UCLA. In fact, we may have merely traded her in on a newer model.

Cal Law published an article explaining that the "Boalt Hall School of Law [sic]" will be filling an academic support position with one Krist*n Holmq*ist, currently at UCLA.

And part of her new job description "will be to help address the student body's bar pass rate."

I have uploaded a pdf version of the article, which otherwise requires a free registration to view, here. It's worth looking at, as the article contains more discussion with Boalt faculty (including remarks from Dean Shel*nski and Professors Sw*ft, and B*ndy) on the issue that this (admittedly lowly) 1L has seen.

**********

And, speaking of frank discussion, the Boalt Briefs would like to pull on your coat about something for a moment:

Community,

In past years, the Boalt Briefs has offered a special bound collection of the year's issues. As this year's output has been embarrassingly small, it doesn't make sense to go through the trouble to create an elaborate binding. So, if anyone is interested in a full collection of the 2007-2008 run of the Briefs, please email me at boaltbriefs@gmail.com with your name and locker number, and I'll do my best to deliver a reprinted collection of the year's four issues (plus the mock BBB page), attached together with a staple. I have a limited number of issues, so please email quickly if interested.

Thanks,
BB EIC

Administration Response Email on Bar Passage Rate

Attached (in the comments) is the administration's email to 3Ls regarding last year's bar passage rate.

Essentially, the administration finds that class rank and bar passage are correlated. And they're looking at helping "those people" with a pilot assistance program.

So: what do you think of (1) the administration's response email; (2) the findings presented; and (3) the proposed action?

PS: did anyone actually attend the town hall meeting and have any insightful comments to share with those who did not attend? Here's an insightful comment: I bet there are now at least a few of you who wish you had attended, armed with Patrick's post on Telebears (see below)...

March Bracketness?

So the best three weeks of college sports / illegal gambling are about to descend upon us, and I just have one question: is someone running the Boalt pool this year? Cause I ain't heard nothin'.

Now, I know it will be hard to imitate the inimitable MW, who has run the pool in years past but is now here only in spirit and through the occasional North Oakland house party. But I hope someone steps up to the plate. In fact, if someone is willing to run the logistics and the math, I'd be happy to send out the sardonic round-by-round update emails (and offer full abuse of my journal's copier too.) Yeah, that's not the fairest division of labor, but I'm up for it -- and I'd hate to see the Boalt pool go the way of the Boalt Briefs.

In the meantime, in case anyone feels a need to argue with someone other than a televised Billy Packer (he couldn't hear you in real life either!), I offer the following questions to whet your whistle:

1. Is Memphis the most overrated 1 seed since...Memphis in 2006?
2. The Pac-10 officiating crew will be locked in the broom closet of the Staples Center for the duration of the tournament, right? Cause finding three homeless bums from under the 110/101 interchange and giving them whistles would be a more preferable option than allowing these clowns to blow another game.
3. Stanford's Mitch Johnson: Worst point guard in the Pac-10 -- or all of college basketball?
4. Are you honestly going to listen to the selection committee and take Wisconsin over SC in the second round?
5. If Duke and UNC both lose before the Sweet Sixteen, will Dick Vitale's head explode?
6. Come on, Kansas plays one (admittedly) awesome game on national TV, and suddenly they're everyone's favorite?
7. If that guy with the pony-tail from Washington State hits one more goddamn clutch three...
8. Excuse me, but who did Xavier play again?
9. You'll get no pity from me Arizona State!
10. How many minutes can a normal human endure a UCLA fan hyperventilating about how "Wooden is great!" and "Howland is great!" and "The yellow C means we're the first to get to a 100 championships!" before you have to beat yourself unconscious with your own flip-flop?

You've Lost All Your Boalt Privileges

Well, you guys saw DE's letter. First, I really want to stress that this thread doesn't mean you are now free to speculate as to the identity. I really mean it. Second, feel free to comment on the punishment and/or procedures. I will say that when I visited Wash U. this past summer, I was shocked to see written opinions regarding allegations of honor code violations pinned up on bulletin board. It was as if instead of Boalt Briefs they had accusations of looking at a commercial outline.

Unrelated to all this, I'm about to run over to the City for an interview with California lawyer magazine on how Boalt students feel about John Yoo. My own thoughts are fairly simple: I couldn't disagree more with his personal views of the Constitution, but I think he's a good teacher and scholar. Reasons for this are straight forward: (a) he's great in the classroom. I love sarcasm, what can I say; (b) I've only heard his personal views once or twice, and it was in the Con in Early Republic class, never in the Con Law Structural; (c) I don't have any firs-hand accounts of this, but I do know he's very helpful if you are doing a writing assignment and/or researching for him; (d) publishes. I'm sure the "war criminal" crowd will make its presence known. The reason I mention this is to allow everyone to express how they feel. The reason I'm meeting with the reporter is to express how Boalties feel about him. If you have thoughts, offer it up here, and I'll refer the thread over to the reporter.

But in both cases, NO WITCH HUNTS. I mean it kiddies.

This Week in Boalt Briefs

While aimlessly searching through trash, I came across a few Boalt Briefs from my 1L year, you know, when they were actually funny. So occassionally, I'll post an item from an old BB. Here is this week's.

Incoming Briefs Editor Seeks Roommates/Co-Authors...

Believe it or not, the jackasses behind the Briefs are actually going to graduate, leaving behind a lone 1L to keep the flame for future generations of offended Boalties. Martine White, whose ass-baring antics and goofy grin propelled him to minor stardom, is holding a write-on to choose three "articstically talented but scholastically mediocre" students, who will help him write the Briefs and clean his bathroom.

Desireable qualities include being able to put up with: 1) his cheating at video games; 2) his unrelenting ethnic music; and 3) his vast quantities of pubic hair, left throughout the house like so many dust bunnies. Naturally, writing the Briefs and living with Marty entails a major time commitment, so applicants are encouraged to forsake other extracurricular activities, like CLR and dating.

Choose from three topics:

1. Interim Dean Edley
2. The best library chair at Boalt
3. Guilt from lying to admits.


Send your submissions to [boaltbriefs@gmail.com].

LSAT Train to Clarksville

I'm really swamped right now, but I just couldn't let this post by David Bernstein at the VC slide. He writes: "As I've suggested before, the best way to judge the 'rank' of a law school from the perspective of students is by looking at the quality of its student body, primarily through the most objective factor available, LSAT scores."

Huh? Classroom contribution and legal abilities judged by the LSAT? Over the past 2 and a half years I've always said that I knew I'd come to Boalt after seeing a copy of Boalt Briefs in Booth on admit day. The fact that we had an energic new dean coming in, a top 5 reputation, etc., were all factors as well. But again, it was the sense of humor of the students, and their really diverse backgrounds. During admit day, I did not meet a single person who had worked at a law firm. Nothing against that, I just appreciate the people who didn't go into freshman year of undergrad thinking they were God's gift to the legal system and joined every single pre-law society on campus. Spare me. Boalt did!!!

Why doesn't Disco Stu like 1Ls?

DS was recently in the library surrounded by 1Ls. At first it was just one or two, but inevitably more flowed in (they still haven’t figured out that grades are mostly arbitrary and they really shouldn’t care about law school – and DS was only there because he had to make up work from an extended Tahoe vacation). They started jabbering about WOA – it’s a one credit class people! They were chomping their gum and sniffling their noses and playing with their highlighters. They were texting their friends (probably about some mundane thing like myspace). And DS realized, he really didn't like 1Ls. Maybe he realized it a long time ago and was just trying to procrastinate from writing a paper. The following are some of the possible explanations.

Does DS dislike anyone new? He generally doesn't have a problem with transfers – although he thinks they should all stop congregating around the same tables at the entrance. And he didn’t like how during OCIP they took a lot of firm jobs away from fellow Boalties who were smart (or lucky) enough to get in the first time and have actually been going here a full year and a half – although he has no doubt they have a stronger work ethic than he does and will probably do better for a firm b/c they busted their ass at their previous (pathetic) law school in order to graduate with a Boalt JD.

Is DS jealous? He thinks on average 1Ls are a better-looking class. Perhaps a bit cooler too. There are some fun ones out there. Those who show up for bar review, or routinely get joked in Boalt Briefs and don’t complain about it. DS doesn’t think this is it though. He’s ready to be done with law school – after all, he’s phoning it in right now. DS certainly doesn’t wish he were a 1L, no matter how good they look.

Is DS just an asshole? (Remember though, he posted the 1L guide to OCIP and tried to pass down the lessons he and others had learned). Does this mean that he feels sorry for them in addition to loathing them?

Is DS just too old? Today’s music sucks. He generally doesn’t try to associate with anyone born in the 80s – though exceptions are made. To quote from Abe Simpson – “I used to be with it. Then what it was changed. And what I was with wasn’t it. And what was it was weird and scary.”

As a 3L will he dislike both 2Ls and 1Ls? Will he simply dislike the same rising 2Ls and not the new 1Ls?

As a 2L has DS not earned the right to think he’s better than 1Ls? As an upperclassmen in college he can’t remember disliking freshmen. He certainly thought they were less human, and treated them accordingly.

Is it the way they’re still interested in class? They answer all the prof’s questions. They still seem excited to be there. Does DS want to feel that way again?

Do all 2Ls feel like this (not just our class, but 2Ls in perpetuity)? Will this year’s 1Ls dislike next year’s 1Ls? Do other law school 2Ls dislike other law school 1Ls?

DS would be interested to see how other 2Ls feel toward our junior class. And how did last year’s 2Ls feel toward us?

A caveat. DS does not prescribe to Armen's notion that he will stand by everything he has written. DS is anonymous for a reason - this post. Transfers will get upset at this. 1Ls will get upset at this. DS is simply saying what many 2Ls are thinking. A frank discussion needs to be had about interclass dynamics and DS hopes this post will be a catalyst towards that.

And for christ's sake, why hasn't Disco Stu received his class rank yet?

Allow me to retort

Responding to a Boalt Briefs listing that the no. 9 worst 1L pick up line overheard at bar review is, "Hi, I'm Jesse; can I buy you a drink?" Jesse writes the following about the author of Boalt Briefs: (Note, I think this is too funny to be deprived from the general public, and so while I apologize if I offend anyone by posting, I'm not going to budge).

***

This just in: Martin White Sucks!!

As some of you may know, in the latest edition of the venerable Boalt Briefs, editor (by default) Martin White posited what he claimed was the 9^th worst pick-up overheard at Bar Review: “Hi, I'm Jesse; can I buy you a drink?” This joke being at my expense, I thought that I may enter into a dialogue with Martin White to respond to this affront to my dignity. What follows may or may not be true, but if you know Martin White personally, something I don’t recommend, I am sure that these will resonate harmoniously with your conceptualization of that funny looking man.

While he might claim that his busted arm is the result of a rugby injury, in actuality, his collarbone fracture is the result of a freak accident arising from his favorite hobby: baby seal clubbing.

Martin White cannot say the phrase “pro bono” without giggling. In spite of this, or because of this, he was offered a position at the firm of Kirkland & Ellis, which he quickly turned down, because he felt that they were “too liberal.”

Martin is the type of guy who would start “the Wave” at a funeral.

I like the guy, but I would never leave him alone with my younger brother, or any of my younger brother’s clothing.

Martin White sets the prices at “Café Zeb.”

Contrary to popular belief, the term “martinize” does not mean a process for cleaning/pressing clothing. Its real definition is : “ to express a blatant and gratuitious contempt for the well-being of your fellow man.” The following is the proper use of the word:

Poor homeless pregnant woman: “Can you spare change?”
Martin: “Don’t you look me in the face you smelly drug addict!” (spits on her)
Woman: “Please don’t Martinize me.”

In high school at Lick-Wilmerding in SF (a private school), Martin White was voted “least likely to be a decent human being.” That category did not exist before Martin’s year, and he was the unanimous recipient of that distinction. Thereafter, the superlative has been changed to “most likely to be the next Martin White.” It has only been awarded 3 times; two of the students awarded are now in jail and the third is at Stanford.

Martin White thinks Boalt Women are: “ [too] smart [for their own good].”

Martin White is a staunch supporter of frois gras, and not because he likes the way it tastes. He actually hates the way it tastes (“not enough like veal”); he just likes the idea of force-feeding helpless geese.

Several federal courts have issued a nation-wide injunction, at the behest of the Humane Society and several state governments, against pet stores from selling animals to Martin White. Similarly, he is not allowed within 50 feet of any playground.

In a high school production of "The King and I,” Martin was passed over for the role of Satan, because Martin “looked too evil” for the part.

When asked about Martin White, Jesus Christ was known to say “Hell, if I knew I’d be dying for his sins, I might have done things a little differently. Would have definitely thought longer about a career in usury, that’s fo sho! ”

Unlike images of Allah, Muslims do not mind drawings of Martin White. They use them as a warning to their children of the ill effects of not properly observing the faith. I hear it works really well.

When Martin White thinks of “Passover,” he thinks of asking for his favorite, and thus triaf, dish: “please Passover the lobster-ham casserole with extra cheese.” He washes this down with a tall glass of luke-warm RC cola.

When Buddhists advocate “oneness with all,” they are sure to include that provision that Martin White is not included.

Martin’s favorite movie is “Life Aquatic.”

Martin considers “disco” to the pinnacle of western popular culture, second only to physiognomy.

Martin White gets all his news from Fox News.

Martin White has been kicked out of several Hindu religious events for inappropriately fondling the more ample features of some of their deities.

In Swahili, “Martin White” roughly translates to “malevolent goat man” and is used to scare small children and domesticated animals with great effect.

Martin White voted for George W. Bush, twice. OK, OK, that’s not true. He isn’t that bad.

Martin White is on CLR.

Lend M a Hand

I just found out that the beloved and much admired editor, publisher, and mystic leader of Boalt Briefs, MW, will be having shoulder surgery, putting his hands out of commission. I'd like to offer the services of this blog in serving as a sign up list for anyone willing to offer him a hand (j*b). I ran this by Skipper J and he exclaimed:

***********sen: haha
***********sen: fuck that
***********sen: me first
***********sen: i mean, hand job for me first

As an aside, I want to apologize for the comment moderation mix up. I never intended (as evidenced by the fact I haven't approved any comments) to actually moderate comments. I just wanted to add the word verification to stop spam. Sorry all, the comments will be added very shortly.

Meet the Senators

Earlier today I went sight seeing in Washington DC. A mother and her daughter asked me directions to the WWII memorial, after which they eagerly described their sighting of Justice Stephen G. Breyer lunching with his clerks at the Monocle. I knew previously that SGB was to serve as the presiding judge [along with Judge Silberman of the DC Cir] in a mock appeal put on by the Lawyers' Committee for the Shakespeare Theater where they'd hear arguments in the case of Iago inducing the murder of Othello and Desdemona. Needless to say I was more than pissed off that I didn't see SBG during either of those occasions.

Fortunately for me, I did see two of my classmates at National airport [I'm willing to bet that there have been countless such stories during call back season]. As wonderful as my classmates are, I'm sorry to say they don't compare with me sharing a flight with Sens Kennedy and Kerry. While Kerry sat first class, Kennedy sat in my row, just on the other side of the plane.

[Sidenote: If people remember the last issue of Boalt Briefs that talked about various firm contributions to OCIP, and a certain firm was mentioned as donating plastic surgery to 100 lucky candidates to help them meet the high [firm name] standard. Well I just found out that a friend of a friend of a friend, who is currently clerking for S.D. Cal will use part of his/her $10,000 clerkship bonus from [firm name] for plastic surgery. Kudos to Boalt Briefs for another excellent expose.]

Going from Bad to Orser

As per the e-mail sent by TG of the CDO, Mari Orser has gotten a job in the private sector. It looks like the one person who knew how to get callbacks is leaving. I hope Boalt Briefs is on the story.

Charlie's Admits

Today is admit day for Boalt. Rumor has it that Dean Edley could not speak to the admitted class personally so he spoke to them through a prerecorded video tape. I hope the people at Boalt Briefs are on top of this.

UPDATE: As the comment below states, and as I later learned, Dean Edley did not speak to admits per se. However, if you are an admit, you should be rest assured that you can trust everything he says (no sarcasm). He's like The Professor on Giligan's Island...he's never wrong. Slight miscalculations here and there, but never wrong.

Oh and yes, the technological prowess of the number 1 law and tech program IS as advertised. On the flip side, so is the weather.

Tragedy Hits the Boalt Community

As I write this close to 4 AM, I am still probably too angry to rationally express what I ought to say, or more importantly what I ought to not express. During one of, perhaps the only, afterparty following the Barrister's Ball, one of MY, OUR classmates was shot by two African-American kids. I don't want to say anymore about the incident itself for obvious and not so obvious reasons.

I hope to see him tomorrow. If anyone is interested in joining me in wishing him well, e-mail me or call me (it's not hard to find my number).

In the past hour since I've finished giving statements to Berkeley P.D. I've done more abstract thinking about just how much this sucks. This city exists solely because of the university. If the students who attend there do not feel safe, what's the point? Boalt Briefs (the sarcastic two-page newsletter) remarked in an early edition how studying criminal law in Berkeley is like studying art in Florence or history in Athens. Well now the statement is not exactly sarcastic. My fucking friend was shot. Again, maybe it's the anger of the moment that's coming through, but right about now I'm nostalgic for the crimes often occuring in Westwood. I have too many other thoughts whirling through my head none of which are organized in any way shape or form.

I do want to thank the host of the party for stepping up in an unenviable situation.