Saturday, May 21, 2005

You Might Be a Law Student If...

[Note: Cross posted at De Novo sans those added below]

You start using insults like the following...(only the first was actually used in a casual conversation).

You're so retarded they can't even execute you.

You're so childish they can't even execute you.

Your mother's so fat she holds a joint tenancy by herself.

Your mother's so fat her manufacturer was strictly liable for not making her beep when backing up.

Your so old Rehnquist took you to his junior prom...and you were a senior.

Your mother's so old, Scalia cites to her.

Your mother's so old, she can't be the measuring life.

Your mother's so old, insurance companies value her life estate at 5 cents.

Your mother's so fat she's always in diversity jurisdiction.

Your mother's so fat Prosser and Keaton have a section on her...Massachussetts has a doctrine about her.

Your mother's so fat Congress reorganized her under the Department of Homeland Security Act.

Your mother's so fat, the neighbor's need an easement to go around her.

Fed. R. Civ. P. 19(e): Mandatory Joinders. Your mom.

You're so fat, Posner has 10 volumes describing you as an economic waste.

You're so stupid you have your own reasonable person standard.

You're so ugly, you're ALWAYS dismissed with prejudice.

You're so ugly, it's unconscionable.

You're so ugly, Judge Friendly has defined you.

You're so ugly, even Wigmore won't consider you.

When others look at you, it violates the 8th Amendment. When you look at yourself, it violates the 5th.

You're so ugly, it's against the Geneva Conventions to post your picture.

Not guilty by reason of YOU.

You're so abnormal I could patent you. Actually, Michael Jackson is infringing.

The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man in truthfully shouting your name in a theatre and causing a panic.

You're so ugly, you could use a hairy hand.

You're so ugly, even Podar won't kill you.

***
Hey is that an easement in your pants or are you glad to see me?

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3 Comments:

Blogger Tom Fletcher said...

... or you might just be Armen...

;-)

5/21/2005 10:08 AM  
Blogger Tom Fletcher said...

Ok, a few jokes, because Armen asked so nicely...

---

Friend A: (a lame proposal for something to do tonight)

Friend B: ...

Friend B: Dude, 12(b)(6).

---

You're so bitter and spiteful, you prosecute Rule 11 claims.

---

You're so childish, you still titer when you say "subpoena."

You're so pathetic, you get your blind dates from Rule 45.

---

You're so immersed in law school, you turned down a date because of "lack of jurisdiction over the person..."

...but then you went on the date because you realized that yesterday' you said that dinner and a movie was an improper venue...

...but you got out of the date later that evening, even though you were already at the other person's place and the date was over, when you decided you were gay [Ed. thereby destroying subject matter jurisdiction... ok, it was a stretch... remember, this was all Armen's idea!!!]

---

You're so far gone, you get off knowing all the ways a life estate can end without killing the person.

---

You're so crappy at bunting, Jason Ellison bunts better than you. And he just bunted two straight pitches foul, then got one down but forced out the lead runner.

[Ed. this does not appear to have anything to do with law school... frustrated baseball fan maybe?]

---

You're so protective of your stuff, you have a template file for a trespass to chattels claim.

[Ed. he's on thin ice here, we should sack him]

---

We thought you were so dumb, you tried to put on a trade dress...

... but it turned out you were a whore.

Q: & what did Justice Scalia say when he saw you saunter past?

A: Tertium quid.

[Ed. he appears to be making IP jokes. And really bad ones at that. Dock his pay. Oh wait... crap.]

---

You're so dumb, you thought the Digital Millennium Copyright Act covered how you used your garage door opener...

... wait...

... that happened.

[Ed. there's no stopping him!]

---

Q: What did the 1L say when his little brother touched the stove?

A: Ah! Now there's a learned hand!

---

You're so fat, when your con law study group asked you if you admired Frankfurter or Burger more, you quipped "whichever comes with fries and a drink!"

---

You whine so much, your friends have imposed a heightened pleading requirement on you.

---

You enjoyed the material on pleading so much, you can stand in awe of the yin-yang duality of SLAPP and the PSLRA...

... and on that thinly veiled admission, I'm out.

Please take my nuts out of the apple press now Armen.

5/22/2005 7:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're so grammatically inept you don't understand when to use you're in lieu of your ... as in "you're a moron" and "your moron is delightfully charming."

1/22/2006 12:24 AM  

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