Mr. Manners
After one month, I believe I have developed sufficient expertise to list LA Subway riding rules, laws, and etiquette (some serious some not).
1. If you buy a ticket, you're a schmuck. Only 1.5 LA Sheriff's Deputies patrol the entire rail system for violators. Plus 3 rent-a-cops. But don't worry, they only stop minority juveniles who kinda don't look like they belong...you know the types. Got a tie? Welcome aboard. (Oh yeah, no turnstiles or anything).
2. Be prepared to walk when you don't want to walk and not walk when you want to walk. In other words, when you're dead tired, no escalator will be working...at least not in YOUR direction. If you're in a rush, no one will obey the "stand to the right" rule on the escalator. Actually, 5,000 people will obey but one will not, causing the rest quietly stand back and huff and gruff instead of yelling, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY." Personally I'm tempted to yell extra loudly to make sure the person on the other end of the cell phone he/she's holding hears too. Nothing gets me going in the morning like fucking up a major transaction. Or a call to the yoga master.
3. Be sure to get on the right train. Some people are surprised to learn that LA has a subway. The rest are shocked to learn that it has more than one line. That's right...there are TWO subway lines in LA. One goes from Downtown to North Hollywood (my line), and the other goes from Downtown to Wilshire and Western. What's the difference you might ask? Two stops. That's right...that extra line has TWO, and only TWO stops that deviate from the North Hollywood line. I won't even bother to estimate the cost to taxpayers of keeping that thing going.
4. Elevators and handicap seats are for the able bodied.
5. The seat next to you is for your personal belongings.
6. Do not shower regularly, use deodorant, or any other personal hygienes during the weekend.
7. If you're the conductor, speak as inaudibly as possible. Everyone in LA knows where everything thing is...why bother. It's not like there are any touristy spots along the subway line(s).
8. The one conductor who IS normal spends 5 mins at my stop (Civic Center) to flirt with his g/f as she gets off.
I reserve 9 and 10 for further observations.
1. If you buy a ticket, you're a schmuck. Only 1.5 LA Sheriff's Deputies patrol the entire rail system for violators. Plus 3 rent-a-cops. But don't worry, they only stop minority juveniles who kinda don't look like they belong...you know the types. Got a tie? Welcome aboard. (Oh yeah, no turnstiles or anything).
2. Be prepared to walk when you don't want to walk and not walk when you want to walk. In other words, when you're dead tired, no escalator will be working...at least not in YOUR direction. If you're in a rush, no one will obey the "stand to the right" rule on the escalator. Actually, 5,000 people will obey but one will not, causing the rest quietly stand back and huff and gruff instead of yelling, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY." Personally I'm tempted to yell extra loudly to make sure the person on the other end of the cell phone he/she's holding hears too. Nothing gets me going in the morning like fucking up a major transaction. Or a call to the yoga master.
3. Be sure to get on the right train. Some people are surprised to learn that LA has a subway. The rest are shocked to learn that it has more than one line. That's right...there are TWO subway lines in LA. One goes from Downtown to North Hollywood (my line), and the other goes from Downtown to Wilshire and Western. What's the difference you might ask? Two stops. That's right...that extra line has TWO, and only TWO stops that deviate from the North Hollywood line. I won't even bother to estimate the cost to taxpayers of keeping that thing going.
4. Elevators and handicap seats are for the able bodied.
5. The seat next to you is for your personal belongings.
6. Do not shower regularly, use deodorant, or any other personal hygienes during the weekend.
7. If you're the conductor, speak as inaudibly as possible. Everyone in LA knows where everything thing is...why bother. It's not like there are any touristy spots along the subway line(s).
8. The one conductor who IS normal spends 5 mins at my stop (Civic Center) to flirt with his g/f as she gets off.
I reserve 9 and 10 for further observations.
posted by Armen Adzhemyan at 10:06 PM
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