The Bourne Identity Change

[My brother wrote this over a year ago, but I've always found it amusing and worth sharing]

The following has been bugging me for a few years; I need to get this off my chest as badly as Pamela Anderson’s career needed a boob job. Why is it that two groups completely opposite of one another can each be “pro”? I’m talking about the pro-choice people and the pro-life people. I understand that the catchy names help recruit members and all that other marketing and psychological shit. However, one of them needs to change their name. I mean antibacterial soaps aren’t called “pro-health” or “pro-sanitary” are they? Therefore, one of them needs to be called the anti-life group or anti-choice group. Besides this would make choosing a side a lot easier. What Senator is going to say “I have always been anti-choice, just look at my record. I even voted against adding green M&Ms.” Or “How dare you call me a pro-lifer I’m more anti-life than Dr. Kevorkian.” I realize this will probably hurt one of the groups but it will put my mind at ease and in the long run it will bring people together, people that have been separated by this divisive issue.

Next entry will cover why the Abolitionists were out pissing while names were handed out. Also, I don’t want to hear how I am supporting murder or how I’m a fascist taking away people’s rights. I was ambiguous for a reason, I do not have a stand on the issue and frankly don’t care because I am neither a woman nor a fetus.