Tuesday, November 08, 2005

No Man's Land

A friend [non-Boalt] texted me while I was in class asking me to look at her "friendster" profile. I hate "friendster" so I approached it with skepticism. I read her profile and remarked that the whole profile is tinged with male bashing. She didn't believe me, so I wrote the following e-mail as a response:

But more seriously, you are subconsciously bashing on men with most of your little bleeps. Let's go through a few of them for example:

--I never cry when I'm drunk, I'm always happy to be intoxicated [because it allows me to forget just how fucked up men really are]

-- I'm obsessed w/ animals, especially my dog and my new Beta fish! [and anything else that's not a human male]

-- I think I'm funny, hell I think I'm a comedian. But if you're snooty then I won't entertain you w/ my jokes. [This one speaks for itself. No jokes for you, and by you I mean all men.]

-- I pretty much think all men are slimy...sorry guys but 9 out of 10 times you ARE and like to pretend "you're not like the rest of them"

-- The stupidest saying in the world is, "there's plenty of fish in the sea." Will explain my mathematical analysis to this saying later. [Mathematical proof: All men = slimy. All fish = slimy. Therefore, all men = fish. The saying is therefore stupid because I'm not a fucking mermaid. (note I'm aware of the false logic employed)].

-- I like to dance, particularly when I'm intoxicated, but I've learned to stay away from poles so not to make an ass out of myself. [And that's why I REALLY hate Polish men. God damn Poles.]

-- I love medicine and I'm obsessed with surgery. Scalpel please! [...and please place your testicles here. CHOP!]

-- I had the pleasure of inserting my hand in a patient's chest cavity & massaged his heart upon taking a gunshot wound to the chest.... fun stuff ya? [Well, have you felt the power of having a man's heart in your hands, the power of life in your finger tips? The bullet didn't kill his slimy ass, but my latex covered fingers sure did. Pierced his left ventricle and watched him squirm...consider it payback bucko for the thousands of female hearts you've crushed. Payback's a bitch huh?]

-- My boss constantly tells me I need a boyfriend, what has the world come to!?!?!? [Yeah, I need a boyfriend like I need his/her nosey ass in my business.]

-- I like intellectual people who have a good grasp of reality, general knowledge, and common sense (believe me the world lacks this immensly). [I like people who think like women. I mean women. I mean Oprah.]

-- I'm smart, witty, and charming. Half the time I think people have the intellectual and emotional I.Q. of frozen yogurt but I don't say anything cuz my momma taught me better than that! [And by the way, why is it that most frozen yogurts are male? Is it a slimy thing?]

-- For God's sake I DO NOT want to get married and breed for a very very long time! [I'm a testicle chopping lesbian.]

-- I'm an environmentalist! Never liter & always recycle! BUY A HYBRID PEOPLE! [What's better than a penis? A penis and a vagina all in one. It's the latest genetic phenom! So, vote Green, and date Herm!]

-- I like watching Ultimate Fighting and boxing [It's the next best thing to personally crushing their hearts.]

Anyway, perhaps I read too much into these things, but I thought the signs were there. Let's just say I won't be trusting you with a razor any time soon.



Blogger G. said...

Betta has two t's. Unless perhaps it is a beta release of a new and improved fish that the general public will soon get to enjoy.

11/08/2005 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, after Dean Edley makes a remark disagreeing with a comment on Armen's blog, Armen turns on the censorship and enables comment moderation? Pretty sketchy -- a little too Pravda. And this blog used to be a place where the comments flowed freely!

11/14/2005 10:11 PM  

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