Sunday, March 04, 2007

This Week in Boalt Briefs

While aimlessly searching through trash, I came across a few Boalt Briefs from my 1L year, you know, when they were actually funny. So occassionally, I'll post an item from an old BB. Here is this week's.
Incoming Briefs Editor Seeks Roommates/Co-Authors...

Believe it or not, the jackasses behind the Briefs are actually going to graduate, leaving behind a lone 1L to keep the flame for future generations of offended Boalties. Martine White, whose ass-baring antics and goofy grin propelled him to minor stardom, is holding a write-on to choose three "articstically talented but scholastically mediocre" students, who will help him write the Briefs and clean his bathroom.

Desireable qualities include being able to put up with: 1) his cheating at video games; 2) his unrelenting ethnic music; and 3) his vast quantities of pubic hair, left throughout the house like so many dust bunnies. Naturally, writing the Briefs and living with Marty entails a major time commitment, so applicants are encouraged to forsake other extracurricular activities, like CLR and dating.

Choose from three topics:

1. Interim Dean Edley
2. The best library chair at Boalt
3. Guilt from lying to admits.

Send your submissions to [].

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Monsieur Mara and his partners-in-humor were pretty darn funny.

3/04/2007 9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Top 10 Censored “Nuts & Boalts” Postings:

1)Blueprints for a uranium enrichment cascade centrifuge, in Farsi.

2)Rejected audition footage from the 2005 “Tenured Professors Gone Wild!” video.

3)“Armen, it is totally unacceptable that you’re skipping my Thursday night Ethics class in order to write this ‘blog’ of yours. I expect to see your ass in 105 next week. No excuses. – John Steele”

4)2003 BBC interview outtakes where President Bush suggests to an interviewer that the “Coalition of the Willing” for the invasion of Iraq may include a battalion of elves from Mirkwood

5)A light-hearted and poignant reminiscence from Armen’s mother about his childhood disinclination to wear clothing when company came over.

6)A casting call for undergraduates to be in a forthcoming production of short avant garde performance pieces collectively entitled “Scenes from a U.S. Army Field Interrogation Manual”, which will be performed without warning during one of Professor Yoo’s upcoming Constitutional Law classes.

7)The Who’s Who of Bedwetters at Boalt.

8)An original draft of Dean Edley’s now-abandoned 2004 proposal to raise $50 million for the Boalt endowment by selling KitKat bars to Haas business school students.

9)The identity of the individual who’s been anonymously posting Bar Review notices for the last 15 years (we know who you are, “Zeb”…)

10)Boalt Briefs’ Top Ten Lists, 2004-2006.

3/06/2007 11:44 AM  

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