Customer: I’m looking for a fast car.
Vonnegut: This one right here will take you where you want to be before you want to be there.
Customer: Wow. So it goes...really fast?
Vonnegut: So...it...goes [distant look in eye]. That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
Customer: Alright, good, now we’re getting somewhere. Tell me about the warranty.
Vonnegut: Why do you need a warranty? Does life come with a warranty?
Customer: I’m concerned about safety.
Vonnegut: Then you should be inside your house right now, with the blinds drawn, head down, gripping rosary beads.
Customer: It’s my day off. That’s not really an option.
Vonnegut: Then there’s nothing I can tell you about this car that you won’t already know after I tell you.
Customer: I’m getting confused. Let me ask you, have any customers bought this exact model?
Vonnegut: Kilgore Trout bought one last week. Took it to a clambake. Big hit with the kids.
Customer: I’m not big on clambakes.
Vonnegut. Neither is Kilgore Trout. I should also note that this particular car runs not on ordinary gasoline, but on something called ‘ice-nine.’ If used incorrectly, it could destroy the entire universe, as well as your transmission.
Vonnegut: Oh I’m just fucking with you!
Customer: I’m sensing you’re not too excited to be a car salesman.
Vonnegut: That would be correct.