Monday, August 24, 2009

Lawyering Like the Fonz

During my first full week of law school, I received many pearls of wisdom from my peers and the administration – some solicited, others not so much (I’m looking at you, 3L who told me to rename my book budget “Beer Budget.”) The one tip that struck me as most poignant: Take LRW and WOA seriously, they are the only thing standing between you and imminent doom this summer. Understood. In fact – I can’t wait to learn lawerly skills. Lawyers have rock-star status in my mind right now.

You can imagine I was excited, then, when my new-ish phone unexpectedly snapped in two over the weekend (yes, they still sell flip-phones new.) I thought to myself: I shall march into the AT&T store down on Shattuck and use a lawyerly death-stare to intimidate the sales clerk into giving me a replacement! Such interactions are sure to build my lawyer street-cred:
Me: Hello there. Let me show you something… [scatters dead phone parts on table]. I bought this phone from THIS VERY store less than a year ago. Humph. [death-stare]

Elderly Store Employee: And that is my fault… how?

[Staring Contest for the Ages ensues]

Me: Uh… erm… you know what? I must have put it in my back pocket a few too many times. And sat on it. My bad. Can I maybe… give you a couple hundred dollars for a new one??

Elderly Store Employee: Fine – but I’m just warning you now, we’re understocked. I have a lot of phones in neon green.

Me: Oh, well that’s perfect. Neon green? Who doesn’t love that.
Epilogue: I now own a neon green phone. In other words… EPIC FAIL. I thought that starting law school would imbue me with that magical intimidating quality most lawyers have, but (sigh) I suppose these things come with time. That said, I don’t think the administration should rule out adding another first-year seminar: Lawyering Like the Fonz, 101. Now those are skills I can USE.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll trade you my red one.

8/24/2009 10:37 PM  
Blogger Sarah Alaoui said...

hahaha good post!

8/24/2009 10:41 PM  
Blogger Patrick said...

Funny, I had a 100% success rate on parking ticket appeals before I went to law school. Nowadays, they stick it to me every time.

8/25/2009 12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Patrick, did you said that you were a "grad student" instead of a "law student?" I may have the mistaken impression that you'd get a little more favor for the former, but it's a working hypothesis. Let's face it; no one likes law students.

8/25/2009 12:37 AM  
Blogger Patrick said...

No matter how clearly one pronounces the words "law student," people always hear "conniving sneaky chiseler." That's why I always try to leave it at "student."

8/25/2009 12:40 AM  
Blogger Toney said...

12:37 -

Alec Baldwin teaches that grad students are the worst people. In the world.

8/25/2009 12:51 AM  
Blogger L'Alex said...

I like "baby sharks" better than "conniving sneaky chiselers."

8/25/2009 8:28 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Good post, L'Alex. I like the youthful enthusiasm. Unfortunately, I went to try to get a new phone last month and was informed that my family had used up all of our plan's "free upgrades." I was certain I could intimidate the company into getting a free phone by saying I was going to switch to AT&T for an iphone or something, but they totally called my bluff. Maybe a bunch of laid-off attys have gone to the phone company, and that's why they're so good at matching our steely resolve.

8/25/2009 9:16 AM  
Blogger Armen said...

Dan, your comment reminds me of this joke. I first read it in UVA Law School's promo material!

8/25/2009 9:19 AM  

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