Monday, August 23, 2010

The Wall of Awkward

Along with L'Alex's callback thread below above, it has also become something of a Nuts and Boalts tradition to share funny stories from the bizarre netherworld of OCIP during this time. The combination of hot days, dress clothes, nervous apprehension, tiny rooms, The Graduate posters, and struggling to maintain some semblance of professionalism through it all, makes for a potent cocktail of awkward. So share your best story below. I know you have one. I'll start.

At last year's OCIP, I was struggling to land a job after receiving a no-offer from my summer firm. (It happens to the best of us, OBVIOUSLY.) The one great lead I had was from the OCIP the year before, during which I had developed a rapport with the hiring partner at a major firm in Los Angeles that had continued via e-mail until that day. Even though I had not landed a scheduled interview, he had graciously offered to take me to lunch.

I had absolutely nothing else to do that day, as I had cancelled most of my plans to make sure I could prepare for the meeting. I thought it was probably my best chance to get a job in the foreseeable future. I even left the house an extra 30 minutes early, to give myself time to recover from the usual flop-sweat that develops when I wear wool outside. I was cleaned up, well-shaven, suit-clad, and ready to go with plenty of time to spare.

Then I tried to put my shoes on. I use the word "tried," because the effort was only half successful. After placing my left shoe on the left foot, I noticed that the other shoe was facing a peculiar direction--also left. Not only that, but it was an entirely different type of shoe than the one on my foot. Somehow, my shoe was missing its usual mate. I frantically searched the house for the Right shoe--eating up my 30 minute cushion--only to realize that my brother and I had apparently switched shoes when we packed up after my last trip home. The shoe that belonged on my right foot was somewhere in Salt Lake City.

So, what did I do? I did what any man would do. I jammed the other shoe on my right foot like that ugly stepsister from Cinderella and hoped no one would notice. I trudged down the hill and completed an entire interview and lunch wearing two mismatching dress shoes, both Left.

On the way to Durant, I stopped off in the student center to ask a few friends if they noticed anything strange about me. No one seemed to catch it, and I still don't know if the partner ever noticed. But at least I have something to blame for not getting that job, and a pretty good story to boot.

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48 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahaha amazing

8/23/2010 7:22 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

I just realized the last word of that post is a pun. And there was another, intentional, pun earlier on. I am embarrassed.

8/23/2010 7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

During one of my interviews with a boutique litigation firm that I really wanted (though I had no shot with), I decided what better time to wear a bow tie. I had promised myself I would do it once, and this seemed an excellent opportunity. Well, I walk into the room, and both the partner and the associate were wear shorts. Yes, shorts. Additionally, the partner was sprawled out lounging on a couch in the room, which was kind of awkward, too. Anyway, I sat down, they looked at me, down at my resume, asked me if I had any questions about the firm. I looked at both of them, said "no," and left. Eighteen minutes of my life I'm glad I saved!

8/23/2010 10:12 PM  
Blogger Patrick Bageant said...

Annnnd, queue up the "one time I was . . . " ATL-style comment

It's inevitable, so all I can say is make it good, buddy. It better be good.

8/23/2010 10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think 10:12 is the OCIP version of grabbing a beer and going down the slide. I love it!

8/23/2010 11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm breaking the rules a little bit, since this story comes from a callback, but, hey, what the heck: I was at a callback, and I had just finished my interview with Associate X, who then handed me off to Associate Y. Before I chatted with Y, I detoured to the men's room, where I ran into X, entering at the same time. It was a small bathroom: two urinals and one stall. We paused for a moment, and then X took initiative and chose the nearest urinal. Thus began the choose-your-own-adventure book of awkwardness. What's an interviewee to do? Pick the urinal immediately next to the guy who just interviewed you, and suffer through a silent minute of shared urination? Pick the stall and worry that your interviewer will think you're some weirdo who can't even pee next to another dude? Pretend that you only came in to wash your hands and then squirm your way through the following thirty-minute interview with Y? Tell me, 2Ls, what will you do when this happens to YOU?

8/24/2010 7:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man, 7:45, that deserves it's own thread of debate and discussion. For me, it's easy: I go stall because I actually am a weirdo that can't pee next to another dude.

But in all seriousness, pee before you begin and again before, at or after lunch. Then you don't - er, shoudn't - have to worry about it.

8/24/2010 7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Make sure he sees how large your penis is so he will hire you.

8/24/2010 8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's what you do. You take the urinal right next to him, and you don't say anything for a few seconds. Then halfway through the pee, just glance over and mutter, "Hmm, cold today?"

8/24/2010 10:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you end up working together, you'll piss together all the time. So you should just act normally, piss next to him, and offer to help him shake when he's done.

8/24/2010 3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...to boot." HAHAHHA. Love this.

8/24/2010 4:51 PM  
Blogger Jackie O said...

I'd just like to say that not having to use a urinal is one of the things I value most about being a woman.

8/24/2010 9:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And being logical is one of the things I value most about being a man.

8/25/2010 8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the hell. This ain't digg. Take your sexism and go home.

8/25/2010 8:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha, oh come on. That (8:07) was funny.

8/25/2010 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is really weird when other guys freak out about urinals.

I mean, if there is a choice of urinals, you don't use the urinal next to another dude. But that's just a normal personal space thing. It's like how people naturally space out in an elevator.

Beyond that, just calm down and use any open urinal. It's not a big deal, and it's sort of odd to worry about it.

8/25/2010 11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guys totally win on the urinal thing. We don't have to sit on a disgusting seat, or squat like we are in a bizarro yoga class.

8/25/2010 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The potential for embarassing urinal splatter cannot be overlooked.

8/25/2010 1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah. I'd rather sit on a seat than walk around with misty urinal splashback on my pants. Better yet, I'll stand and pee over the bowl. Either way, stall me.

8/25/2010 1:42 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

This thread took an interesting turn.

8/25/2010 10:19 PM  
Blogger Jackie O said...

haha really not what you were going for, was it Dan? I'd tell an awkward story to get things back on track but I'm busy doing illogical woman things, per usual.

8/26/2010 12:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While my intent was to imply that women are illogical, the statement itself in no way had that as a logical conclusion (just as yours did not have the logical conclusion that men must use urinals). However, your interpretation of the statement only further bolsters its truth. Thank you, Jacki O.

8/26/2010 7:28 AM  
Blogger Patrick Bageant said...

In addition to knowing nothing about women, 7:28 also doesn't know diddly about logic. If he did, he would be aware that "truth" does not come in degrees. A proposition is either true, or false, which means "truth" cannot be "bolstered" any more than a light switch.

8/26/2010 7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about dimmers?

8/26/2010 8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also, Patrick, I will break down the logic for you.

Jackie O's original statement:

I'd just like to say that not having to use a urinal is one of the things I value most about being a woman.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with this statement, and it can be taken three ways: 1. (the most likely) she was referring to the awkward exchange in which the guy felt compelled to use the urinal, 2. (the less likely) she thinks that men must use urinals simply because they have the capacity to stand up, or 3. (kind of similar to 1) she is simply pointing out that one of her favorite parts of being a woman is not having to make the decision between urinal and toilet. Again, unless her intent was 2, which I don't think it is, totally fine statement.

My original statement:

And being logical is one of the things I value most about being a man.

Again, multiple ways to read this: 1. (the logically sound way) men are logical, therefore I am logical, 2. (the other way) men are logical and women are illogical.

Jackie O's second statement:

haha really not what you were going for, was it Dan? I'd tell an awkward story to get things back on track but I'm busy doing illogical woman things, per usual.

This seems to be reading my comment above in manner 2, since manner 1 does not lead to that conclusion.

My second statement:

While my intent was to imply that women are illogical, the statement itself in no way had that as a logical conclusion (just as yours did not have the logical conclusion that men must use urinals). However, your interpretation of the statement only further bolsters its truth. Thank you, Jacki O.

I guess this one just kind of reiterates my comment below Jackie O's second comment. But I already pasted it, and for the sake of completeness am going to leave it in. And yes, I suppose "bolsters its truth" was the wrong phrase (though that has nothing to do with logic). Perhaps you would feel more comfortable with "supports this conclusion?"

8/26/2010 9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

9:07,

You are an idiot. Your intent was to imply that women are illogical, and Jackie picked up on that implication. It's not illogical in the least to infer meaning from the context of the words.

For example, if I were to say: "Wow 9:07, you are such a logical person," it would not be illogical to infer, given the context of my statement, that I actually think you are a moron.

8/26/2010 9:17 AM  
Blogger Armen Adzhemyan said...

OK this is now turning into an LSAT prep class, or worse, a class discussion where "that guy (or gal?)" just simply cannot let it go.

Let's just quote from As Good As It Gets and move on:

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Udall: I think of a man. Then I take away reason and accountability.

8/26/2010 9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

damnit! I was looking that up when you posted it, Armen.

8/26/2010 9:24 AM  
Blogger Armen Adzhemyan said...

:D

8/26/2010 9:29 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Now it's taken an even more interesting turn.

8/26/2010 10:52 AM  
Blogger Jackie O said...

Wait. 9:07, do you mean to tell me men have the option of sitting on toilets??? I'm so happy for you.

Armen: Thanks for sharing something sexist with no inference necessary ;)

8/26/2010 4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This seems relevant... http://www.filedump.net/dumped/photo1282889937.JPG

8/26/2010 11:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah there is nowhere in Berkeley where I like pissing more.

8/27/2010 12:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It makes me happy that two new tags were created solely for this post. Here's to many more "sexism" and "urinals" threads!

8/27/2010 9:30 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Haha yeah, I actually just figured out I could do that.

8/27/2010 11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yesterday I was asked to describe to my hypothetical, foreign-born, newly adopted child how to make a peanut butter sandwich.

8/31/2010 9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whhhat??? Please elaborate.

8/31/2010 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had an interviewer not make eye contact with me....for the entire interviewer. He looked out the window, at his shoes, at some papers he was ruffling about. However, he asked me relevant questions about my resume and answered questions about his practice and my practice group of interest. That belongs on the wall of awkward.

8/31/2010 11:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last year I walked in to my very first OCI interview. As I sat down, I knocked over the small fake flower vase. Yay. The two interviewers then announced that they thought the lamp behind me looked like a bong. I turned around and looked and laughed. It did. I did not get a call back

Awkward.

8/31/2010 7:57 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Those lamps do look like bongs. I think that's on purpose. It's a Berkeley joke, kind of like the Graduate posters on the wall.

8/31/2010 11:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was the last interviewee at a non-CA firm, the interviewer was clearly tired and wanted to get out (although he was gracious and kept his smile up), and I decided to go at it, to just sell myself, to take cues from Glengarry Glen Ross etc.

So 10 minutes into the interview, I am giving an enthusiastic spiel on how XYZ firm is the best in the world and how I am a good fit etc. The guy looks at his watch, gets up, says he has a plane to catch and asks me if I have any questions about the firm. I get up, grinning like a doped-up m***erf***er, thank him, pick up my shit, and leave.

9/01/2010 2:48 PM  
Blogger Boomtime said...

W/r/t awkward interviews, this is a perennial must:

http://www.bitterlawyer.com/index.php/webisodes/?id=1&sess=1&web_id=NTQ=

9/04/2010 11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I walked into an interview and the first question as soon as I sat down was: "So why do you want to work for a firm that defends companies that kill people?"

9/06/2010 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

@ 9:14, did your response include something about loving both Nilla Wafers AND Techron? I mean, c'mon...somebody's gotta defend 'merica's two favorite pastimes.

9/06/2010 7:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

9:14's story disgusts me. I work for a firm, and not only do I not work with someone who would say something stupid like that, but if I did, my firm would have enough sense to not send that person out to do OCIP. OCIP works both ways when it comes to interviewing. I hope you told everyone you know to stay far far away from that interview room.

9/08/2010 11:05 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

I think 9:14 had a number of exciting answers to choose from, though. For example:

"Well, I've never much cared for people."

and

"Hey, if you can't beat 'em..."

9/09/2010 2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the person who heard Arnold&Porter DC-...how did you hear? phone call, email or letter?

9/10/2010 12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just accidentally Call-Back Butt Dialed! Turns out I just left a 5 minute 23 second voice mail on the recruiter's voicemail. To make matters worse I believe I was discussing other firms with another 2L for the duration of the 5 minutes.....epic fail!

9/14/2010 1:57 PM  

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